<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Self-confidence \u2014 you have it or you don\u2019t
I think this is the first misconception, when we believe that self-confidence is something you either have or don\u2019t have. In reality, in some aspects of our lives, we can be more self-confident than in others. Although it might sound great to say, \u201cJust do these five things, and you\u2019ll become a confident person,\u201d that\u2019s not necessarily true or feasible. But I admit, it sounds very appealing. Of course, there are things that can help us feel better about ourselves, but it\u2019s often a process rather than just a few steps to reach the goal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In reality, moments when we feel things aren\u2019t going well, and that we\u2019re not good enough, are normal and part of life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes, people who feel they lack confidence \u2014 for example, at work \u2014 forget that they once had enough confidence to meet someone, fall in love, apply for a job, pass a selection process, finish college, pass a driving test, or go out and do their job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They focus on the aspect where they don\u2019t feel good, where they\u2019re nervous, or doubt their abilities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Others have more self-confidence, slightly more than others
The tricky part is that we often think others have confidence, and that\u2019s why they succeed in life. This then makes us feel even worse when we compare ourselves. Of course, we don\u2019t know everything about those people. When we get to know someone better, we see their inner struggles. We might notice that someone confident at work doesn\u2019t necessarily feel the same in their romantic relationships, or that someone who can speak in front of a large group doesn\u2019t necessarily feel good about themselves in all aspects of life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Social media doesn\u2019t help either, as everyone highlights only the best about themselves and their lives. We don\u2019t really know what each of us faces daily. This amplifies the feeling that others are doing great, while we focus on everything that\u2019s not going well or missing in our lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As a psychotherapist, I have the privilege of hearing real people and the insecurities they face. Many successful, loved, beautiful, and smart people come to sessions who might appear very confident at first glance. Yet, each of them has doubts and issues with self-confidence in certain areas. Some even feel they lack confidence in all aspects of their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I need to have confidence before I can face life\u2019s challenges
We don\u2019t need to be confident to do something. We can be very unsure, yet courageously take small steps toward a goal. When we do something that\u2019s difficult for us and gradually progress, we are actually building confidence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The problem isn\u2019t the nervousness or insecurity we feel when doing something, but rather when we give up because we think something isn\u2019t for us \u2014 maybe because we don\u2019t succeed immediately or because we feel anxious. We then use this failure as proof that we\u2019re \u201cnot cut out\u201d for it. Sometimes, what we lack isn\u2019t necessarily confidence but other qualities like time, experience, decisiveness, courage, and persistence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, what exactly is self-confidence?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Self-confidence is essentially a feeling of trust in ourselves \u2014 that we can handle things, that we are capable. A low self-confidence example might be that we haven\u2019t tried something yet, or we just started and think we can\u2019t do it. But this isn\u2019t necessarily a reflection of our real capacity; it\u2019s often a distorted self-image.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Besides feeling that we can do something, self-confidence also involves the belief that we are worthy and good \u2014 worthy of love, attention, and success.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Having confidence doesn\u2019t mean losing healthy self-criticism, which can sometimes be useful. We can see our faults and mistakes without devaluing our entire personality. If I believe that I am fundamentally flawed, that becomes a fact, leaving little room for growth or real improvement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How to build more self-confidence?
If occasionally you feel unworthy, not smart enough, beautiful, interesting, or capable, it\u2019s a common experience for many people. It can be very uncomfortable and painful to feel like we don\u2019t measure up, don\u2019t belong, or are not enough. When we wonder why someone feels insecure, it\u2019s often a personal story related to our upbringing, life circumstances, and experiences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Psychotherapy can be a helpful way to explore those deeper issues, understand our pain points, and learn how to help ourselves with that awareness. It helps us recognize blocks and early beliefs about ourselves that hinder us and make us feel bad despite our successes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Finally, a big question remains: how do we accept those parts of ourselves that maybe others in our early years didn\u2019t accept? How do we deal with the most vulnerable parts of ourselves, and instead of rejecting them, offer acceptance and support? This process is often more complex than a simple decision but is worth our effort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When we see someone who loves and accepts themselves despite their flaws and believes they are still worthy, we get the impression they are confident. That person doesn\u2019t have to be the most beautiful, smartest, or most successful \u2014 they are confident because they love themselves despite imperfections. The key to confidence isn\u2019t necessarily hiding all our flaws but accepting ourselves as humans with faults who still deserve love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you want to schedule a session \u2014 online or in person \u2014 and start understanding yourself better, I am here.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Self-confidence \u2014 you have it or you don\u2019tI think this is the first misconception, when we believe that self-confidence is something you either have or don\u2019t have. In reality, in some aspects of our lives, we can be more self-confident than in others. Although it might sound great to say, \u201cJust do these five things, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":45,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"saved_in_kubio":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-162","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/therapywithmilica.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/162","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/therapywithmilica.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/therapywithmilica.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therapywithmilica.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therapywithmilica.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=162"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/therapywithmilica.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/162\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":163,"href":"https:\/\/therapywithmilica.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/162\/revisions\/163"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therapywithmilica.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/45"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/therapywithmilica.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=162"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therapywithmilica.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=162"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therapywithmilica.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=162"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}